Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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