yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
