I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Houston, we have a blender
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
