So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
