Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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