I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
