I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
