I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
