If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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