I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
