Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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