I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
