yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
