I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
