Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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