How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
