i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
