He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
