whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
