she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
