I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
