Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
