You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
