I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
