I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
