just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
