I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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