Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
