I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
