Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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