You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
