New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
