wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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