i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm always down for nudity.
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