Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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