I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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