Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
