yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
