Please, let me fuck your mom
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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