Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
