Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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