oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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