In the future we'll all be gay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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