You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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