The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
