I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
