WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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