I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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