I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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