That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
