eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
