Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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