At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
