Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
