things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When are your genitals available?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
